What has Instagram turned me into?

What started as a casual and personal account that brought me immense joy, and a space that was my own; has soon turned into a chaotic, uncontrollable chase for likes, views, and numbers!

Don't @ me for this!

Honestly, don't we all crave likes? Chasing those numbers like it's a milestone. What? More like why? I'm not a brand or a blogger or a business owner.

Make it 3k views on reels. At first, it was a mad rush to see a random reel I put out run up its view count. Validating right? I defended it thinking, I have all this content and if there are consumers for it, why not? Content of myself, mind you. Narcissistic much?

It soon brought collaborators DM-ing. Remember I said I ain't no blogger or influencer? I do wish I could be. I have the style sense for it. The influencer bunch has peaked. Those of who were lucky and had the foresight to start out early are the big fish. I'm too late in the game. Even if I invest time and resources, I'll just be a small one... That's what I told myself. Then I found, I was also telling myself that I can be the one who starts late and still make it.

Mind you, this is a person who has a regular job. Has no intension of quitting it. I love the career I am building and wish to pursue that path... I'm also creative. Having a creative yet fulfilling hustle on the side sounds alluring AF. Inevitably, I find myself chasing those followers. Obsessing over it, pouring time...

Unless I have a brand or I'm the brand, I can kiss the 5k, 50k, 5M would-be-some-day-followers-if-im-lucky-that-is goodbye! Let me tell you, I am nowhere close! I love the love I am receiving from the very few who do like and validate, but do I really want to look for such validation? What am I marketing? A book? Movie release? Skincare product? Nada. Well, I'd wish!

Life is hard enough without Instagram adding into my existential crisis! Seriously what am I turning into?!

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