Two glasses of wine

Footsteps echoed. A flicker of a memory brushed past. Sally tried to pay attention to what Danny was saying, but all she did was stare at the couple behind while her friend animatedly narrated. About what, Sally didn't know.

Sally concentrated. Danny was detailing how she had attempted to bake some fancy version of bread. She struggled to focus with each word and drifted back to observing the many people at the nearby tables instead. They sat inside what was considered a crowded bar in the post-pandemic era.

It drizzled outside, typical of London evenings. Nodding, Sally sipped her glass of Chardonnay while Danny droned on about how the bread had turned disastrous.

Next to her was Zack. He made up for her lack of silence, saying, 'You really didn't!'

Sally placed her glass back on the table. She had grown weary of meeting anyone these past few months. Danny had been consistently calling to check up on her. When Danny had called earlier this week, she had taken her by surprise by suggesting to meet up. Now, all she could do was sip and nod and wonder why she had thought meeting up was a good idea. She had needed that at the time. There it was again: the smile, toss of hair, his face...

It took Sally a minute to realise Danny had stopped speaking. Zack was looking at her. They both were.

'You alright?' Danny asked.

'Oh, yes,' Sally said, blinking out of her memory.

Zach didn't look convinced. They had known each other since college. She would have to do better than that to convince him.

'Why don't you tell us something?' he asked.

'About what?'

'What did you try to bake? Since we're on that topic,' Zack said.

'Oh, you know me. No baking!'

'Well, cooked then,' he suggested.

Sally grew quiet.

'Don't you press her on cooking! You know it was Jim who cooked,' Danny retorted.

Another pang of pain burst through her. One she had grown used to, but today was not about Jim. Though she missed him dearly, the wound was much too fresh. She was going to stay right out of that one. She was determined to.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up...' Zack said. 'I should have known better.'

'It's alright. You only meant to distract me,' Sally said, touching his hand. 'You're dealing with this too. It's not easy losing a brother. I'd know. I've lost a sister, remember?'

All three stared into their glasses, at a loss for words.

'I've been doing take out mostly,' Sally was the first to speak again. 'How is Jade? I keep meaning to call her, but it's been tough. I wouldn't know what to say to her even if I called.' She hadn't spoken to the rest of Jim's family since the funeral.

'Holding on as well as you can expect any mum to,' Zack supplied, dully. 'She's been saying the same thing. That she doesn't know what she'd say to you.'

'Take your time,' Danny said. 'No one's judging anyone. You all need your own time to deal with it.'

Sally gave her a smile. The smile wasn't very honest. There was jealousy and it didn't help that Danny had not known this kinda loss. It felt cruel to have to be told how to handle loss by someone who hadn't experienced anything close to it.

Sighing, Sally picked up her glass and gulped down a few mouthfuls. She reminded herself that it wasn't Danny's fault just the same as it wasn't hers, but that didn't do much to stop her from feeling ashamed of how she felt. She knew Danny only meant well. How could she ever hold such a thing over her? That wasn't fair. None of this was.

'How have you been?' Zach asked.

'Holding up or trying to,' Sally admitted. The closest they'd come to a real conversation all evening. 'You?'

Zach didn't respond. They waited, not wanting to break the silence: giving him as much time as he needed.

'It's hard,' he finally said. 'I miss him at the most ridiculous of times, like now - he'd have said all the right things. When I cook or my attempts at it as he'd have called them... when I catch the game... just anything! Not that we spoke often mind you, it was more of knowing he was there. Doing the same things. The texts. Now, it's like there's no service in the world to deliver it to where he's at!'

Sally breathed deeply, willing herself to stay strong. It was too early to open that tornado, even though it was nearly eleven months since they'd lost him. She still hadn't allowed herself to mourn. She was still coming to terms with her sister's passing and that was a good four years already. She wouldn't survive if she opened herself to Jim's. She kept shutting it out and ploughing through and this was yet another thing that required just that.

'Losing a sibling is not spoken about much,' Danny said. 'I mean when compared to losing parents or partners,' she added on seeing the look on Sally's face.

'You're right,' Sally said, calming down. 'It isn't when it's as much - when you're close to your siblings, I guess. They're meant to be your partner in crime for life. Really be there to share experiences and grow.'

'Yeah, we don't realise it, but we expect them to always be around for the rest of our lives. I feel cheated,' Zach said. 'Like I've been left behind, alone, to do this life on my own.'

'Do you'll want a repeat of drinks?' asked the waiter, not realising the rude interruption.

'Yes, I'll have another glass,' Sally said.